I recently watched Roland Emmerich’s Mayan calendar wish fulfilment feature 2012 and then capped it off with a back-to-back viewing of 90s treasures Dante’s Peak and Volcano. Now, I love dumb films. The dumber the better, really. So, I’ve decided to coin a new sub-genre label for an already popular sub-genre that definitely doesn’t need said label. Behold—‘Disastrophes.’
Sure, they’re the ‘natural’ disaster films you know and love, but they also kind of suck? They involve human calamity rendered in excruciating, groan-worthy personal detail, OR, with complete disregard for the sanctity of human life. There can be no middle ground. Thrive or die. A true cynics-only zone. I’ve listed some of the best here but you best believe there’s more out there. Read on and enjoy.
Outbreak (1995)
Synopsis: “A deadly airborne virus finds its way into the USA and starts killing off people at an epidemic rate. Colonel Sam Daniels’ job is to stop the virus spreading from a small town, which must be quarantined, and to prevent an overreaction by the White House.”
Before Contagion and eventually COVID, this was the disease-as-disaster movie that scared the shit out of people. It has it all: a cute monkey as pathogen vector, old mate from Grey’s Anatomy as a burnt-out punk loser, Dustin Hoffman as the man of the hour and He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named in an admirable supporting role. Oh, and the threat of nuclear oblivion. Gee, how relatable. Watch the trailer here.
Twister (1996)
Synopsis: “TV weatherman Bill Harding is trying to get his tornado-hunter wife, Jo, to sign divorce papers so he can marry his girlfriend Melissa. But Mother Nature, in the form of a series of intense storms sweeping across Oklahoma, has other plans. Soon the three have joined the team of storm chasers as they attempt to insert a revolutionary measuring device into the very heart of several extremely violent tornados.”
It’s hard to describe anything more terrifying for a young child than watching a film as white-knuckled as Twister in a country town drive-in and having to sit through that one scene where the seemingly malevolent tornado antagonist crashes through a drive-in screen, on-screen. It’s some deeply traumatising, meta-shit and I’ve been thoroughly scarred ever since. Watch the trailer here.
Dante’s Peak (1997)
Synopsis: “Volcanologist Harry Dalton comes to the sleepy town of Dante’s Peak to investigate the recent rumblings of the dormant volcano the burg is named for. Before long, his worst fears are realized when a massive eruption hits, and immediately, Harry, the mayor and the townspeople find themselves fighting for their lives amid a catastrophic nightmare.”
Watch the trailer here.
Deep Impact (1998)
Synopsis: “A seven-mile-wide space rock is hurtling toward Earth, threatening to obliterate the planet. Now, it’s up to the president of the United States to save the world. He appoints a tough-as-nails veteran astronaut to lead a joint American-Russian crew into space to destroy the comet before impact. Meanwhile, an enterprising reporter uses her smarts to uncover the scoop of the century.”
There was a point in the late 90s/early 00s where Hollywood studios would essentially greenlight two different films based around one central concept and audiences would then get two servings of the same blockbuster. In this case, Deep Impact is by far the superior existential asteroid film to Michael Bay’s Armageddon. It’s just as ridiculous but the characters have actual heart, so when they get owned by a crushing mile high wave or the big cosmic Hand of God, you really feel that shit. (The other notable pairing being Mission to Mars and Red Planet; the former is obviously the better of the two.) Watch the trailer here.
The Core (2003)
Synopsis: “Geophysicist Dr Josh Keyes discovers that an unknown force has caused the earth’s inner core to stop rotating. With the planet’s magnetic field rapidly deteriorating, our atmosphere literally starts to come apart at the seams with catastrophic consequences. To resolve the crisis, Keyes, along with a team of the world’s most gifted scientists, travel into the earth’s core. Their mission: detonate a device that will reactivate the core.”
The Core is disastrophe done right: cheap, nasty and completely beyond the reach of any suspension of disbelief. Of all the films on this list—Emmerich’s included—this might just be the dumbest. Also the worst looking, too. It’s a total snoozer cosplaying as big dog, action spectacle and it looks like a telemovie you might stumble upon at 2 AM with a gut full of piss and think to yourself, ‘That’ll do.’ Watch the trailer here.
The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
Synopsis: “After years of increases in the greenhouse effect, havoc is wreaked globally in the form of catastrophic hurricanes, tornadoes, tidal waves, floods and the beginning of a new Ice Age. Paleoclimatologist, Jack Hall tries to warn the world while also shepherding to safety his son, trapped in New York after the city is overwhelmed by the start of the new big freeze.”
I could fill this entire list just with Emmerich’s filmography. But that would be too easy, folks. Of all the crazy shit Roland has come up with over the years, having global warming be the villain of a big-budget sci-fi movie is probably right up there for Big Dumb Fun. I mean, at one point, they literally run away from the cold. Yes, a temperature differential. And it’s shot like a slasher film, complete with score cues. It’s genius. Watch the trailer here.
2012 (2009)
Synopsis: “Dr Adrian Helmsley, part of a worldwide geophysical team investigating the effect on the earth of radiation from unprecedented solar storms, learns that the earth’s core is heating up. Writer Jackson Curtis stumbles on the same information. While the world’s leaders race to build “arks” to escape the impending cataclysm, Curtis struggles to find a way to save his family. Meanwhile, volcanic eruptions and earthquakes of unprecedented strength wreak havoc around the world.”
Watch the trailer here.
San Andreas (2015)
Synopsis: “In the aftermath of a massive earthquake in California, a rescue-chopper pilot makes a dangerous journey across the state in order to rescue his estranged daughter.”
I first watched San Andreas on a long-haul international flight (remember those?) and hated almost every single minute of it. So, of course, it’s perfect for this list. I have no idea how the casting call for this film landed on The Rock being Alexandra Daddario’s father…. but sure, I’ll buy that. Whatever. Big buildings shake and fall over. Got it. Watch the trailer here.
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