Byte Size: Spooky Season Scream Fare
All things terrible, horrible, and suitably gore-splattered for Halloween viewing.
As is tradition, I will start this newsletter entry with a confession: I’m kind of a wimp. There, I said it. I’ve never really enjoyed “horror” movies or anything tangential to the spooky season. Your slashers, your body horrors, your torture porn, etc. For whatever reason, my less-than-lizard brain just refuses to enjoy the sheer terror and gleeful dismemberment of cliched characters in hilariously absurd and often fanciful scenarios. I am, in other words, the killjoy’s killjoy.
So, given that it is the month of Octavus, and the ritual demands the viewing of scream-related fare in honour of All Hallows’ Eve and Samhain, I’ve put together a list of my (emphasis on said wimpiness here) favourite spooky films. We’ve got gothic space demons and eldritch nightmare beasts, rage-fuelled zombies and Scottish werewolves, neon axe wielders and sexy sax vampires, and much more. Fun for the whole family. Enjoy!
Event Horizon (1997)
Synopsis: “In 2047, a group of astronauts are sent to investigate and salvage the starship ‘Event Horizon’ which disappeared mysteriously 7 years before on its maiden voyage. With its return, the crew of the ‘Lewis and Clark’ discovers the real truth behind the disappearance of the ‘Event Horizon’ – and something even more terrifying.”
1997 was an absolute banger year for slick Hollywood sci-fi features (Starship Troopers, Gattaca, Contact, The Fifth Element), and Paul W.S. Anderson’s ‘gothic haunted house in space’ romp Event Horizon might just be the most memorably brutal of them all. There’s also this utterly insane anecdote about the film’s troubled post-production and how an intensely gory two-hour rough cut of the film, “loaded with stomach-churning scenes and imagery, which apparently caused some of the test audience to faint,” ended up in a Transylvanian salt mine for storage purposes and eventually became unusable. never to see the light of day. Spooky, indeed.
Mandy (2018)
Synopsis: “The Shadow Mountains, 1983. Red and Mandy lead a loving and peaceful existence, but when their pine-scented haven is savagely destroyed, Red is catapulted into a phantasmagoric journey filled with bloody vengeance and laced with fire.”
“After years of teasing us with warped method acting, tabloid headlines and an endearingly kooky persona, Cage’s performance here as the damaged and wrathful Ray is about as close as you’ll get to pure, unhinged insanity captured on film—Cage literally goes ‘full Cage’ in this one, and it’s as exhilarating to watch as it is terrifyingly meme-worthy.
At the risk of spoiling the film’s second half, here are some brief highlights to look out for: a potentially supernatural motorcycle gimp gang; a chainsaw duel; dismembered body parts and flaming severed heads; an Evil Dead-aping axe-wielding montage; blood-soaked gore with a delectable, jam-like consistency; the biggest pile of cocaine on set since Scarface; and Cage covered in blood, staring intently into the camera with what can only be described as his best serial-killer smile.” (FilmBunker)
The Lost Boys (1987)
Synopsis: “A mother and her two teenage sons move to a seemingly nice and quiet small coastal California town yet soon find out that it’s overrun by bike gangs and vampires. A couple of teenage friends take it upon themselves to hunt down the vampires they suspect of a few mysterious murders and restore peace and calm to their town.”
With 80s nostalgia at a fever pitch thanks to Stranger Things and other properties of that ilk, now’s the perfect time to go back to the source. There’s a brand new 4K UHD transfer of this classic floating around, and I’m sure it looks glorious. Everything about this movie—the superb casting, the quotable dialogue, the campy direction, that one insane bridge sequence, the 420 grandpa, Tim Capello’s greased-up beachside sax solo by firelight—is a bonafide choice, and the film sticks the landing with ruthless earnestness every single time.
Take Shelter (2011)
Synopsis: “Plagued by a series of apocalyptic visions, a young husband and father questions whether to shelter his family from a coming storm or from himself.”
Over a decade ago, I watched Take Shelter on a peaceful Sunday afternoon based on nothing more than the whim of a torrent site comment. I was alone, reclined on my couch, aggressively hungover, munching on some pizza, and generally in the mood for easy-going, low-stakes cinema. Two hours later, I was a nervous wreck on the edge of my seat, wondering where my sanity had gone and why anyone would subject themselves to this kind of cerebral brain scrambling without provocation. This film is not fun to watch, and I would also hesitate to describe it as a ‘great’ time, if only because I can’t—in good conscience—put normative values on complete emotional obliteration. Enter at your own risk.
Malignant (2021)
Synopsis: “Madison is paralyzed by shocking visions of grisly murders, and her torment worsens as she discovers that these waking dreams are in fact, terrifying realities.”
As I mentioned in my Best Films of 2021 list earlier this year, anything I say about this film is just an unnecessary spoiler. So, stop what you’re doing. Don’t read this. Just go in blind and watch Malignant right now. Don’t even bother reading my Letterboxd review below. (Don’t you do it!) I am imploring you to turn off your phone/tablet/laptop/device. Throw it in the river. Set it on fire and spread the ashes to the wind. Watch this film and let nothing stand in your way.
28 Days Later (2002)
Synopsis: “Twenty-eight days after a killer virus was accidentally unleashed from a British research facility, a small group of London survivors are caught in a desperate struggle to protect themselves from the infected. Carried by animals and humans, the virus turns those it infects into homicidal maniacs – and it’s absolutely impossible to contain.”
In our current era of endless Walking Dead spin-off shows and quip-filled road trip rom-coms, it’s easy to forget that 28 Days Later ripped the throat out of the zombie movie formula twenty years ago. Inspired by George Romero’s legacy and the procedural thrill of the Resident Evil franchise, writer Alex Garland’s script transplants the standard outbreak narrative to a post-apocalyptic Britain, rendered in stark and frightening detail by director Danny Boyle and a star-making turn from lead actor Cillian Murphy. It’s an all-time great horror film that oozes dread and misery with every bite and gasping flee.
Dog Soldiers (2002)
Synopsis: “A squad of British soldiers on training in the lonesome Scottish wilderness find a wounded Special Forces captain and the remains of his team. As they encounter zoologist Megan, it turns out that werewolves are active in the region. They have to prepare for some action as the there will be a full moon tonight…”
I haven’t watched this film in close to fifteen years, but I remember it fondly. The premise is devastatingly simple (what if army grunts had to fight werewolves?), and the execution is surprisingly competent and thrilling despite the feature’s relatively thin budget. The practical effects are glorious, and the werewolves are legitimately terrifying and otherworldly. If they remade this today, it’d be about austerity politics or military posturing with nonsensical trauma lampshading as ‘serious’ thematic motivations. Oh, and it’d probably be all CG and day-for-light shooting, too. So, savour the deft touch of the early 2000s and drink it in.
Underwater (2020)
Synopsis: “After an earthquake destroys their underwater station, six researchers must navigate two miles along the dangerous, unknown depths of the ocean floor to make it to safety in a race against time.”
“When our group of survivors decide that the only way to reach the escape pods is to walk for several miles across the ocean floor in nothing but pressure-rigged diving suits, things take a turn for the weird and scary, with monsters of the eldritch, Lovecraftian kind dispatching group members one by one. It’s here that Underwater’s debt to other, more interesting films becomes obvious, mixing a sense of claustrophobia and impending doom from The Abyss (1989) and Sphere (1998), with the sinister survival horror of Alien (1979) and Event Horizon (1997).
Stewart does an excellent job of paralleling a Ripley-type character in the role of Norah, making her portrayal feel like the plucky protagonist of a survival RPG, constantly fixing/hacking terminals, assessing level maps, configuring weapons and rescuing fellow crewmates. (Hollywood, if you’re reading this, quit with the endless cavalcade of reboots and remakes already, and give us a bloody Bioshock or Dead Space film.)” (FilmBunker)
For more film reviews, check out my Letterboxd profile.