Byte Size: The Worst Films of 2021 (So Far)
A dismal season of delays and disappointments.
Last week I watched the new Chris Pratt, direct-to-Amazon vehicle, The Tomorrow War and it was pretty bad. I described the film as “a poor man's homage to Edge of Tomorrow,” with a serious case of “Yesterday's Blockbuster.”
It’s ostensibly a sci-fi action film about a future war with aliens that requires civilian soldiers from our present to be sent forward in time to the front lines. The premise, on its face, is actually pretty cool, however, the film spends two and half hours “bending over backwards to have the appearance of clever paradox-avoiding plot twists, [and] the whole thing ends up resting on narrative stakes completely opposed to the film’s central time travel, future war conceit mixed with not-so-subtle allusions to climate doomerism.”
Anyway, it got me thinking about the wasted potential of cinema in our post-COVID age and about all the shitty films I’ve seen this year. So, as I’m wont to do, I made a list. Now, revel in my mirth below and avoid these stinkers.
Chaos Walking
Synopsis: “Two unlikely companions embark on a perilous adventure through the badlands of an unexplored planet as they try to escape a dangerous and disorienting reality, where all inner thoughts are seen and heard by everyone.” (Director: Doug Liman)
Infinite
Synopsis: “A troubled young man haunted by memories of two past lives stumbles upon the centuries-old secret society of similar individuals and dares to join their ranks.” (Director: Antoine Fuqua)
The Marksman
Synopsis: “Jim Hanson’s quiet life is suddenly disturbed by two people crossing the US/Mexico border—a woman and her young son—desperate to flee a Mexican cartel. After a shootout leaves the mother dead, Jim becomes the boy’s reluctant defender. He embraces his role as Miguel’s protector and will stop at nothing to get him to safety, as they go on the run from the relentless assassins.” (Directors: Robert Lorenz)
Mortal Kombat
Synopsis: “Washed-up MMA fighter Cole Young, unaware of his heritage, and hunted by Emperor Shang Tsung’s best warrior, Sub-Zero, seeks out and trains with Earth’s greatest champions as he prepares to stand against the enemies of Outworld in a high stakes battle for the universe.” (Director: Simon McQuoid)
Friends: The Reunion
Synopsis: “The cast of Friends reunites for a once-in-a-lifetime celebration of the hit series, an unforgettable evening filled with iconic memories, uncontrollable laughter, happy tears, and special guests.” (Director: Ben Winston)
Cruella
Synopsis: “In 1970s London amidst the punk rock revolution, a young grifter named Estella is determined to make a name for herself with her designs. She befriends a pair of young thieves who appreciate her appetite for mischief, and together they are able to build a life for themselves on the London streets. One day, Estella’s flair for fashion catches the eye of the Baroness von Hellman, a fashion legend who is devastatingly chic and terrifyingly haute. But their relationship sets in motion a course of events and revelations that will cause Estella to embrace her wicked side and become the raucous, fashionable and revenge-bent Cruella.” (Directors: Craig Gillespie)
Occupation: Rainfall
Synopsis: “Two years into an intergalactic invasion of Earth, survivors in Sydney, Australia, fight back in a desperate ground war. As casualties mount by the day, the resistance and their unexpected allies, uncover a plot that could see the war come to a decisive end. With the Alien invaders hell-bent on making earth their new home, the race is on to save mankind.” (Director: Luke Sparke)
Zack Snyder’s Justice League
Synopsis: “Determined to ensure Superman’s ultimate sacrifice was not in vain, Bruce Wayne aligns forces with Diana Prince with plans to recruit a team of metahumans to protect the world from an approaching threat of catastrophic proportions.” (Directed by Zack Snyder)
Follow me over on Letterboxd for more real-time film reviews, lists, and lukewarm takes.