Ecstatic Ephemera: Alt Xmas Covers to Piss Off Your Relatives
'Tis the season to be drunk and/or obnoxious.
Well, what could possibly make 2020 any more insufferable? Christmas, of course. The silly season. The time for giving, travel, and those uncomfortable conversations with estranged relatives you deliberately avoid until familial obligations draw you inexorably into their orbit once more.
At least we can all agree that Christmas music is peak trash. So, in the giving spirit, here are 12 super dumb alternative Xmas covers to piss off and annoy your special people. One for each insufferable day. Happy Holidays!
Panic! At The Disco – “Feel Like Christmas”
Cue the bells, this one is all glitz and glam and snow-covered pop.
Christopher Lee – “Silent Night”
Oh, what’s that? You didn’t know that Star Wars and Lord of the Rings acting legend Christopher Lee also has “heavy metal” chops and loves to belt out the classics? Consider this education.
Bad Religion – “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”
Punk instigators are perfectly fine with being dad-bod carolers then. Cool, man.
Corey Taylor – “X-M@$”
This is a truly whack one from the Slipknot frontman and well worth it for the video production quality (or lack thereof) alone.
Dropkick Murphys – “The Season’s Upon Us”
(See entry for the Bad Religion track above.)
Twisted Sister – “Silver Bells”
The first three minutes of this video straight-up looks like a porno. ‘Nuff said.
Issues – “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays”
This one is perfect for fucking with Grandma’s head. “Why is that nice young man’s voice so high?” “Why is it so loud?” “This is supposed to be cheerful and merry.”
Alice Cooper – “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”
Ah, the Grim Reaper himself adding some much needed runny eyeliner to a bonafide classic. Beautiful.
Man Overboard – “Father Christmas”
This one is so saccharine it feels like cracking your teeth on a candy cane. Twice.
Korn – “Jingle Balls”
Look, admit it. You read that title and thought exactly what I did: “Hell yeah dude.”
Yellowcard – “Christmas Lights”
Christmas lights are stupid and a waste of time and electricity. That’s it. That’s the whole bit. Call me a Grinch—IDGAF.
August Burns Red – “All I Want For Xmas Is You”
Here it is, the one and the only. A beautifully heavy and merryfully ignorant instrumental cover for all the mistletoe headbangers out there.