Ecstatic Ephemera: Be Mine, Valentine
Assorted Sad Boy Jams for the Lonely Alts Club.
Valentine’s Day is a cultural enigma. It’s a holiday invented by capitalism, purely to take advantage of people’s romantic sentiments, relationship obligations, and surplus cash.
If you have a significant other, they might claim to hate Valentine’s Day. But can you really afford not to get them anything? And if you’re single and ‘thriving,’ then you either have to avoid the holiday at all costs, lest you be hit with painful reminders of your own willful solitude. Or, you go down the blind date route and only sadness and self-hatred follow.
So, what to do then? Well, as a token of solidarity, I’ve put together a special playlist with assorted ‘sad boy’ jams for all my lonely and/or horny alts out there. It’s a little emo, a little pop—but 100% a good time. You may laugh, you may cry, but whatever you do, share the love. XOXO
American Football – “Never Meant”
According to Vulture, this is the most emo song of all time, so it absolutely belongs on this list. But truthfully, “Never Meant” is also super breezy and effervescent. So much so that it’ll pass through you like a good time and linger in your head like a bad mood.
Paramore – “That's What You Get”
Forget that “Misery Business,” this is the Riot! (2007) deep cut that’s perfect for a little pick-me-up pity party. Fun rhythms? Check. Great vocals? Check? Handclap bridge section? Damn straight.
Jimmy Eat World – “If You Don’t, Don't”
The obvious angsty 00s adolescent cut is “The Middle,” but your boy doesn’t play that way, alright? I declare that this song actually is the best forlorn love ballad on Bleed American (2001)—nay, in the greater Jimmy Eat World pantheon.
Taking Back Sunday – “Great Romances of the 20th Century”
Pretty much anything from Tell All Your Friends (2002) could slot in here but for some reason, this track always stood out to me. It might be the opening rimshots, the verses packed with melodrama, or that powerful finale. Either way, it’s the ultimate sad boy and/or girl/person banger.
The Get Up Kids – “Valentine”
I mean, it’s right there in the title, isn’t it? This is the quintessential emo valentine ballad. A sparse example of Midwest emo stripped of all pretension, rendered yearning and heartfelt. The only ‘constant’ we’ll ever need.
Don Broco – “Let You Get Away”
Okay, look, I know this isn’t emo. Like, at all. However, it is a damn catchy pop tune, best accompanied by some romantic self-loathing and overdue reflection. Do you want to argue with those sweet guitar arpeggios, sparkly synths, and rolling hi-hats? Didn’t think so.
Mineral – “Gloria”
Arguably ‘the’ Mineral song, “Gloria” is about wanting something so bad and knowing—like, really knowing, deep down in the core of your being—that it’s forever unattainable. The record isn’t called The Power of Failing (1997) for no reason. According to this track, the very best you can hope for is to be the mud, the clay, and the dirt for someone else. Yikes.
Dashboard Confessional – “Screaming Infidelities”
Does it get anymore MySpace-era than Dashboard Confessional? Probably. But that’s where “Screaming Infidelities” takes me: learning custom HTML, watching videos on MTV, bingeing The OC, and being an awkward teenager. ~cool~
The Hotelier – “Your Deep Rust”
A jaunty pop-emo tune with a rock-solid indie backbone, “Your Deep Rust” is the soundtrack to dealing with someone else’s early existential mid-life crisis and the inevitable fallout from those choices. Been there, done that, still here.
Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes – “Love Games”
Another sonic curveball, “Love Games” is possibly the furthest thing from emo. But it is catchy and sexy and passionately intense. Sometimes we all just need to feel the feelings and admit that it’s okay to be overwhelmed.
My Chemical Romance – “The Ghost of You”
I remember when MCR blew up and suddenly they were everywhere. The black look, the eyeliner—the whole nine yards of mall-emo aesthetic. And then the cinematic video for “The Ghost of You” came out (directed by Marc Webb) and flipped what everyone thought they knew on its head. It’s still a sorrowful and powerful tearjerker that pulls absolutely zero punches. A true masterpiece.
Head Automatica – “Beating Heart Baby”
Man, what a jam. Vocalist Daryl Palumbo of Glassjaw fame is having a lot of fun here and it shows. A sugar-sweet blast of bubble-gum pop mixed with electronics and indie-dance beats, “Beating Heart Baby” should be enough to turn any frown upside down.
Fall Out Boy – “A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More ‘Touch Me’”
Like Taking Back Sunday above, any track from emo-classic From Under The Cork Tree (2005) deserves a place on this list. However, in the interests of time and education, this Fall Out Boy banger edges out the rest. It’s got wordplay for days and Andy Hurley’s impeccable fills. Everything a growing vampire hunter needs, right?
La Dispute – “Said the King to the River”
An oddball choice for this list, La Dispute came out of nowhere with their debut record, Somewhere at the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair (2008). “Said the King to the River” is everything people expect emo to be: grandiose, pretentious, and overly complex. But it’s also full of energy, creativity, and it totally rules.
Saves The Day – “Holly Hox, Forget Me Nots”
A pop-punk rager with an overflowing emo heart, this track is an all-time favourite. The lyrics read like a high-school journal and the song sounds like a suburban three-chord garage punk band polished up to a beautiful, radiant lustre. Grab your wallet chain and write a love-letter to your sweetheart.
Death Cab for Cutie – “The Sound of Settling”
Speaking of The OC, I couldn’t let this little Seth Cohen ditty pass by unattended. Sure, Transatlanticism (2003) is full of hits but “The Sound of Settling” is easily Death Cab’s most iconic track. Love as hunger? A stomach in knots? Sounds like Valentine’s Day to me.
Joyce Manor – “Bride of Usher”
I don’t know what else to say, except that the second verse here is just devastating: “And maybe it’s better that you are how you are/ And it’s something like you that has me falling apart/ While I’m hard-pressed into you in the back of your car/ With your keys digging into your side/ Reminds you of the time...” Combined with that surf-rock chorus riff transition? Glorious.
Modern Baseball – “Everyday”
2010s emo royalty is hard to come by, but Modern Baseball would have to be definite shoo-ins. “Everyday” is gloomy and self-deprecating and talks about shame a lot, but there’s also nothing embarrassing about that triumphant mid-section. Sadness never sounded so addictive.
Panic! At The Disco – “But It’s Better If You Do”
I know what you’re thinking: Really? P!ATD? But hear me out. Choir organ. Dance beats. Vocal theatrics. Lapdances. Fancy masks. Need I say more?
The Afghan Whigs – “Bulletproof”
We cap the list off with an all-time banger. The Afghan Whigs do cinematic sad boy rock better than most have and every will. Sure, “Bulletproof” isn’t emo, but it’s more than mere music: it’s a story that actually feels like real life, with all the tragedy, sadness and heartbreak that comes with it. Oh, and that third act? That’s some real transcendent, goose-bumps level shit.
Stream the full playlist on Spotify below: